My Desert Island Discs

I adore Desert Island Discs. If you are not familiar, in a nutshell the castaway picks eight pieces of music and discusses why they chose them. Eight songs is nothing. As we have seen in some of my previous posts, I struggle to pick my favourite eight songs from just one band or artist. The Beatles nearly finished me off.

Sometimes the castaways pick the eight songs they like at the moment. George Michael did this and there is a lot to be said for this approach. Some go with a theme, James Ellroy picked five Beethovens! Matt Lucas endeared me to him forever by picking Starmaker by The Kids From Fame.

Last night my friend and I went for cocktails and she explained that a friend had invited her to dinner in May and they all have to go with their eight desert island disc choices. Well! Not only is this work of a genius in terms of dinner party ideas, it resulted in a long discussion about how best to choose the eight. My friend started by saying she would have Buddy Holly's Everyday as it made her think of her dad. All very noble and sweet but I said, can you really stand to listen to that song over and over? Do you love it that much? I like Buddy Holly as much as the next gal but if I am only taking eight precious songs, I am not sacrificing quality for a memory. This threw her somewhat. And before we knew it we were in despair at how difficult this task is.

I've been musing on this today (along with nursing my hangover) and decided out of interest to see what my top eight most listened songs were on my iTunes. It surprised me by being a pretty accurate picture. I could do worse than go with these.

Desperado - The Eagles
Rule The World - Take That
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell
Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
Shine - Take That
We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols
Forever in Blue Jeans - Neil Diamond
Don't Stop Believin' - Glee cast

Hmmmmmm. OK, Don't Stop Believin' is not a contender. It was fun at the time but I am a bit mortified that it makes this list at all. I am not taking two Take That songs so Shine is out. I had no idea I was such a Dandy Warhols fan so errrm, no. That leaves five good, strong contenders:

Desperado - The Eagles
Rule The World - Take That
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell
Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
Forever in Blue Jeans - Neil Diamond

Desperado was mentioned last night. I am on to something with this! I love The Eagles and it's a perfect song. It would be be between this and Take it Easy. Rule the World by my boys would be coming with me no doubt. I adore Wichita Lineman, it reminds me of road trips across America and it's nicely soulful. I would be very happy to have The Carpenters with me for a nice singalong. And I am not going anywhere without Neil Diamond. Forever in Blue Jeans is one of my favourites and doubles up with nice memories of all my family so that's two birds killed.

I have three more. Going further down my list isn't helpful as we seem to hit a Christmas fest. I am not going to listen to Christmas music on my sunny island. Lady Gaga? Meh. No, like her as I do, I think not. Then we come to Dancing Queen, how does one pick a single Abba song? I had a meltdown picking eight. However, I have some ballads with me so I think I need a more uplifting Abba song. Seriously if it's me alone on an island listening to The Winner Takes It All I'd be a morose, crying mess. Dancing Queen it is.

I need a song for my mum and there is only one choice, You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry. She loved this and used to do a hilarious dance round the living room to it. My mum was a great dancer, she'd have been a good stand in for Uma. I could also practice the Pulp Fiction dance.

And I am at seven. How did that happen? I have just one left. My shortlist is not short. Barbra Streisand? I am not sure I can cope without Papa Can You Hear Me. Wham? No Club Tropicana? Bee Gees? Billy Joel? It has to be The Beatles surely? Guns 'n' Roses? Elvis? Michael Jackson? Lenny Kravitz? Madonna? Prince? Whitney? No. I've made my choice. It's my island and I can listen to what I want to with no scorn.

Bonnie, step on up! You win the place!

I don't want anything too sad, too musically perfect. I want something fun. I want something I can run around the island in a billowing frock pretending I am Bonnie. I want to belt it out because nobody can hear me. Only Bonnie fulfils this brief.

So my final list:

Desperado - The Eagles
Rule The World - Take That
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell
Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
Forever in Blue Jeans - Neil Diamond
Dancing Queen - Abba
You Never Can Tell - Chuck Berry
Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

On reflection I am pleased with this. I have plenty of singalong fun, songs to dance to, songs to remember friends and family with. And I think the Glen Campbell would surprise my friends and you need a surprise or two in there. Nobody wants to be predictable.

So now I have to pick the one I'd save from the waves crashing to the shore. As if this isn't torturous enough, honestly. It's between Desperado and Dancing Queen. I am going to have to pick Dancing Queen because it's a happy song. 

I can't even get started on a book and luxury. I am already traumatised and full of self doubt. This is very, very, very difficult. 

Which would be your eight? Knock yourself out!

Madonna - Desert island songs

I had the rarest of things this week, a request. I was asked to list my top eight Madonna songs. I thought I had done this but instead I had discussed Madonna more broadly by decade. Delighted to know I have at least one reader, I present to you my list.

Borderline. I love this song, it's Madonna at her purest. The video is sweet and I love the dancing. It also has a great introduction.

Into the Groove. This barely requires a discussion. One of my favourite ever films, perfect pop and Madonna when I really achingly wanted to be her. This is from the film.

La Isla Bonita. Madonna did the perfect holiday song before most people and she did it masterfully.

Express Yourself. I prefer this to Like A Prayer. Much as I love LAP, I feel it's overplayed and this is much more joyful.

Vogue. This is Madonna's legacy. If she'd done nothing else, it wouldn't have mattered. It's sublime and contender for best music video ever made. I could watch her dance in this all day long.

Deeper and Deeper. This is also wonderful. I love the Erotica album, it was fab.

Ray of Light. Another great album. This is so joyful.

Already I am at number eight. It has to be Hung Up from yet another great album. I also never tire of this and she looks amazing. The dancing in this is so inspiring and the Abba sample is genius.

I do think Madonna is a genius although she's best to leave the ballads alone. Tell me yours.

Top Ten Female Film Characters

Sisters unite! It's time to celebrate our favourite celluloid women. This list was, naturally enough, difficult. There are plenty of female characters I enjoy but who are, well, a bit wet when it comes down to it. Tracy Lord in High Society is a good example. Grace Kelly is at her most glorious, has some wonderful lines and she's a likeable character but she's all about the men in her life. I wanted my list to be a bit more kick-ass, a bit more feminist, a bit more fierce if you will. There is no order to this list and so we start with the fiercest of them all.

Sarah Connor: Terminator 2

This changed everything. I remember everyone in the cinema gasping when she came on screen; pretty little Linda got some muscles! And she got hard because she had to. Her breaking out of the mental institution is one of my all-time favourite scenes in cinema. Nobody understands that we're all about to die! Looking at a list of some of my favourite films, it's depressing to realise there are few female characters to emulate. Women are usually there to simper, look pretty and be rescued. Sarah Connor was a breath of fresh air. She strides around this film like she owns it.

Susan: Desperately Seeking Susan

Played to perfection by Madonna, every teenage girl of the 80s wanted to be Susan. She was so cool. Her clothes, her attitude, her living out of that suitcase, her swapping her jacket for the rhinestone boots, her wit: "this has to be a cover-up, nobody's life could be this boring!" She didn't need men, she knew what to do with them but she didn't need them. Sometimes I still wish I could dress like Susan.

Marie: When Harry Met Sally

Rob Reiner hit gold with this casting, who wouldn't want Carrie Fisher in their rom com? I adore Carrie Fisher, I want to be friends with her, I know we'd get on just darlin'. As Marie, she gets all the truly great lines in this movie. My favourite is "somebody is staring at you in Personal Growth!" The best scene is the lunch with the girls when Marie goes through her cards of men for Sally and folds one over saying 'married!" I am breaking my own rules a little here as she is a bit desperate for a man but only because of the stupid married man she's been having an affair with, "he's never going to leave her!" However, I am going to make an exception because once she meets Bruno Kirby, it's all wonderful.

Baby: Dirty Dancing

Baby was an activist, a detective (she worked out who was stealing the money!) and she stood up for her beliefs. Most of all Baby learned how to dance and deep down I believe if Patrick Swayze was teaching me, I could dance like that too. She gives as good as she gets with Johnny ("spaghetti arms!") and Jennifer Grey has never been better. I like to imagine that Baby would have married a human rights lawyer and lived in Greenwich Village. No, I don't think her and Johnny would have lasted, it's a classic summer romance!

Mia: Pulp Fiction

It's fair to say that Mia is no role model but man alive, is she cool. From the moment she talks into that microphone and Dusty Springfield is playing, you know she's going to be awesome. Uma Thurman oozes sex appeal in this and just looks so classy. No plunging short dresses for her, just a simple white shirt and black trousers but has anyone ever worn an outfit so well? She has some wonderful lines: "why do we feel it necessary to yak about bullshit in order to feel comfortable?" and she dances a dream. Ok, ok, she overdoses on drugs but I am willing to overlook that. She isn't afraid to stand up to Vincent and therefore she makes my list.

Rizzo: Grease

I am not sure an explanation is even necessary however to avoid any doubt, here goes. She dates Keneckie, she rules the school, she wears tight black clothes to school and a crazy red dress to the prom, she chucks milkshakes around, she thinks Sandy's summer romance sounds like a drag, she feels like a defective typewriter, she knows there are worst things she could do than go with a boy or two and she sings Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee with gusto. No character in a high school film has ever been better than Rizzo. And nobody could have played her better than Stockard.

Vickie: Reality Bites

While Lelaina drips around the movie being angsty about her work, her love life, Troy etc, Vickie works at The Gap and steals all the good lines. She's hilarious, just looking at her face makes me giggle. "He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers" "I'm late for a jean-folding seminar, let's locomote!" Because of this movie, I will watch anything Janeane Garofalo is in. She's fabulous and so is Vickie.

Trinity: The Matrix and Matrix Reloaded

The Matrix is just a fabulous film from start to finish. Everyone in it is on top form but nobody is quite as cool as Trinity. She is icily efficient and totally on top of everything. She's also good in the sequel but gets a teeny bit drippy however she is with Keanu so she's forgiven.

Thelma: Thelma and Louise

It's very hard to pick Thelma over Louise. Obviously both of them are great but for me, Thelma's journey is more interesting. She starts as a rather pathetic, downtrodden housewife and ends up robbing a store at gunpoint. "My husband wasn't nice to me and look what happened!" She discovers that actually she's hot, she's funny and she's got a talent for being on the run. And she gets to have sex with Brad Pitt.

Scarlett: Gone with the Wind

If I had to pick one favourite from this list, it would be Scarlett O'Hara. Scarlett isn't always very nice, in fact often she's downright mean and nasty but she's such a survivor. She keeps her promises, she loves her mother and she provides for her pretty hopeless family after the war and yes, she has to make some tough decisions to do it but it's do or die in this land. She marries a man she doesn't love to ensure she has a roof over her head and that Tara can survive. She delivers Melanie's baby with a war raging around her. So I won't hear a word against Miss Katie Scarlett. She is the original feisty woman and much as we love Melanie, we'd all rather be Scarlett surely?

Who have I missed? Tell me.

Summer songs - La Isla Bonita, Madonna

This is one of the all-time great summer songs. It simply oozes sunshine and sangria. Listening to this song in the winter is all wrong but listening to it on a sunny day in June transports you to the Costa Del Sol and the whiff of Ambre Solaire.

Another fab video from Madonna. I never quite got the appeal of the long haired geezer but she looks amazing. As usual, I can't embed it but you can watch it here. I am typing this as the sun finally makes an appearance in London after days and days of grey skies and rain. Here's hoping it's the start of a heatwave.

Madonna - 00s

Continuing my Madonna decades, we come to the 00s. I refuse to call them the noughties. Another storming decade for Madge, she started it with Music. How was that 11 years ago? I still love that song and the whole album. I really like Don't Tell Me - great video.

Then she gave us American Life which is a low point. I can't excuse the cover of American Pie. She squeezed in the Austin Powers song, Beautiful Stranger, which is quite fun. I was beginning to wonder if she had lost it in a fog of yoga, stringy arm muscles and a macrobiotic diet. Then, then she gave us Confessions On A Dance Floor which was such a storming return to form I was quite giddy. I adore this album - it's a dance album, a proper one. Madonna, why did it take you so long to give us such a delight? Hung Up is a fabulous song and yet another fantastic video. It almost rivals Vogue for me.

However since then, I've been underwhelmed. Hard Candy was forgettable. She snogged Britney and Christina. Come on Madge, you don't need to do that love. She did at least have the sense to get rid of Guy Ritchie.

Madonna is now 52 and I am very interested to see what she does next. It's hard to imagine where she will go. I wish she'd give up the film aspirations but I don't expect she will. She's not got the voice of the living legends like Barry and Neil. I've never wanted to see her live. Maybe she could start a talent show and be a judge. In fact, I'm amazed she's not appeared on The X Factor. Amazed but grateful to see she has some taste. I'd like to see her get back together with Sean Penn...

Power Ballads - Don't Cry For Me Argentina - Julie Covington

While I am having a bit of an Andrew Lloyd Webber moment, I think it's time for another power ballad and this is one of my favourites. Actually I am not sure this is technically a power ballad but hey ho, let's go with it. Another song I associate with my childhood, my mum and I once drove to London and listened to this song over and over and over. Subsequently, I know every word and every note.

Now, you know I love Madonna but I did not enjoy her in Evita. You google this song and all you get are images of Madonna. Sacrilege! Apparently this is what Julie looks like. She nailed this and it is the only version I can listen to. I am also horrified Glee recorded it. Take it away Julie...

Madonna - 90s

We've done 80s Madge, it is time for the 90s. For me, 90s Madonna is all about Vogue. One of my desert island songs that I never tire of hearing. "Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, on the cover of a magazine." It's fantabulous with one of the best videos ever made. Of course she did so much more than Vogue in the 90s but what a way to introduce us to the decade.

In the 90s she really ramped up the controversy with her Sex book and the fantastic Truth or Dare (aka In Bed With Madonna). If you've not seen this film, you are missing out. It's over blown and ridiculous but any Madonna fan has to watch it. She dated Warren Beatty (lord knows why) and recorded Erotica. This has always been one of my favourite Madonna albums as it has Deeper and Deeper on it which is just a great disco song. She made League of Their Own which is a really cute film. And Ray of Light - another fantastic album (my favourite track is The Power of Goodbye because of the video with hot Goran*). Suddenly she was Earth mother because of course by now she had a kid.

Really, what did you do in the 90s? She certainly packed it in.

But, like I say, it's all about Vogue for me. Of course embedding of all Madonna songs is not allowed on YouTube so you can watch it here. And watch in awe at her dancing. And perky boobs.

*whatever happened to him?

Madonna - 80s

Trying to sum up Madonna in one blog post is not possible for me so I thought I'd do it by decades. And we begin at the beginning with my favourite decade in terms of looks. A look that inspired a million imitators. Nobody wore lace like Madonna.

In terms of music, it was a belter of a decade for our Madge. Like A Virgin still sounds good today and it had one of the best videos of all time. I've always been a big fan of Borderline, it has a really great intro. I've never liked Material Girl but I do love Papa Don't Preach. She was so much fun in the 80s. I've already discussed the joy that is Desperately Seeking Susan and we'll skip past Who's That Girl to talk about her marriage to Sean Penn. Now, I know I don't know Madonna (more's the pity because I know, like George Michael, we'd be mates although I'd make her eat some chocolate) but I believe Sean was her true love. Bratty and perfect together, I think she's always searched for what she had with Mr Penn but has never quite found it. I think we can all agree that with Guy she really was slumming it.

Back to 80s Madonna, the Madonna that inspired us all to dance in our bedrooms and wear way too much jewellery. She was an inspiration to a generation of school girls and when people tut and say she was just a wannabe and encouraged us to dress like sluts and couldn't really sing, it infuriates me. Madonna has always understood the business that is show and she may not have the world's best voice but she can dance better than pretty much any star of today, she had an innate understanding of her power and she's never had a public breakdown. In fact, I have always thought she looks like she really enjoys being famous. I'd rather be like Madonna than Cheryl Cole or Britney Spears frankly.

Amen to that. Let's look at her singing Like A Virgin. This outfit sums up the 80s!

Desperately Seeking Susan

Before we really get going with this, I should fess up and admit I am a total Madonna fan. I mean to a girl growing up in a small village in Essex in the 80s, Madonna was like, totally, MY GODDESS. I more than wanted to be her, I was completely fascinated by her. Look at that photo up there. Obviously it was taken off duty yet she is so working that look. Man how I wanted that jacket. I remember thinking the jacket was waaaay cooler than the boots she swapped them for in the film. I wore lace gloves that summer in an effort to emulate her. Didn't work, I was far too wholesome. Nonetheless, I danced around my bedroom singing along to Like A Virgin innocently and adored her.

Desperately Seeking Susan came out at the height of her Like A Virgin fame. I spent a few weeks in Boston with my dad (who lived just outside Boston) that summer and begged him to take me to see this. Bless him for being such a film fan that he would go see anything. He took me.

I remember it clearly. The fact that I saw this in an American cinema just made it so perfect. The soundtrack was fantastic, poor old Roberta learning to cook to Julia Child (I'd never heard of Julia Child so this film was educational too!), the Manhattan setting (I went to Battery Park years later just so I could see where Susan kisses Jimmy),  the dancing, (I was much more like Gary dancing than Susan when I tried to replicate it in my bedroom), Aidan Quinn! Oh my word, Aidan Quinn. How I loved him. Still do truth be told.

It's actually a really good film. Hey, even my dad liked it! Mistaken identity films - you can't go wrong. This is still Madonna's best movie by a country mile. Why? Because she was clearly just playing herself. A slutty, hip, cool, con woman (loved her trying to escape paying the taxi fare although clearly would never have dared such a trick).

Rosanna Arquette annoyed me slightly in this and as I read interviews with her at the time, she clearly thought she was better than this. Huh? Where are you now Rosanna? Pulp Fiction was 17 years ago love.

But Laurie Metcalf is as wonderful in this as she is in anything (Rosanne, Big Bang Theory) and Mark Blum is excellent too.

But really this movie is all about Madonna. And we salute her. We'll always have this perfect Madonna film. She should have stopped acting here but no, she had to make Shanghai Surprise. Which is weirdly missing from her IMDB profile. I remember it. Anyone else?

Check out this trailer - it's SO weird!