Let me tell you, from about 1983 to 1985, Sweet Valley High was the hit of teenage girls growing up in suburbia everywhere. Needless to say, I was obsessed. I bought them all, for a rather long time. I used to write my name in the front with a kiss underneath. There is very little I won't share with you dear reader.
At about book 30 or so, I stopped reading them. No doubt I discovered Lace or something. I've always had an affection for them, they were so simplistic and fun. I've just looked them up on Wikipedia and am stunned. Stunned and giggling at what happened after I stopped reading them. They went on writing this series until 2003! That's a lot of books. They all went to university and then it seems they reunited for a book that took place in the future. Here are the revelations that had me reeling:
Steven Wakefield turns out to be gay. And shacked up with Aaron Dallas (the football star - do keep up).
Alice Wakefield almost married Lila Fowler's father! She decided on the eve of her wedding she loved Ned!
Todd and Elizabeth were on/off for years. When I left them, Todd had moved to Vermont and I figured that was that but no! And they cheat on each other!
Enid (Elizabeth's best friend) had an affair with Todd!
Robin (was fat, wanted to be a perfect size 6 so stopped eating chocolate and ran round the track and emerged beautiful of course) develops an eating disorder. Not much of a surprise.
Bruce Patman and Elizabeth have a relationship!
Winston Egbert dies by falling off a balcony. Nooooo.
Also, an earthquake hits Sweet Valley and the Wakefields move in with the Fowlers for a while.
I've saved the real revelation until the end. Are you ready for it? Todd marries Jessica. Words fail me. Jessica who is shallow and wears silver ski suits (I always remember that!) marries Todd. It's a plot twist nobody could have seen coming.
Well. I am thinking I made a grave error by not following Sweet Valley through every book. It's all been going on and I've been in sweet oblivion for 25 years or so. I wish I could reread my 30 or so books but I'm afraid I got rid of them many moons ago. I guess it would look a bit odd reading Sweet Valley at my age but since when has looking weird bothered me? Why the hell not? I'm off to ebay...
I know nothing about this band, I had no idea what they looked like until I Googled just now. My main impression is there is a lot of them. I know there is controversy about this song being racist but you know what? I am hot, I've had a long day and I don't care. I know I should care but I don't. I just love the riff on this and I never tire of listening to it.
Don't be tempted to watch the Reese Witherspoon movie of the same name. You won't ever get those two hours back and even she can't save it.
This makes me want to go to a state fair in the deep south and drink beer.
Look at that cover! It's 80s heaven. I much prefer this song to Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now which is overplayed and nowhere near as fun. I've just looked up the lyrics. For 30 years I assumed the line was 'Marconi plays the number" but it's not! It is "Marconi plays the mamba" which I don't think is as good. I mean, San Francisco was not built on Cuban music was it?
No matter, it's an 80s classic and I love it and it has a video they only made in the 80s. Magical.
Today is my birthday. I love birthdays, I don't understand people who gloss over them or don't make a fuss. They come once a year and it's your day. What's not to love? People give you presents, send you cards and write messages on your Facebook wall. It's all good.
I've always been interested in those lucky enough to share my day. I don't have a stellar list of movie and rock stars however I I think these three are pretty damn good by anyone's standards.
First up it's Buddy Elf!
Yes, Will Ferrell shares my birthday! Are you jealous? I still love him although I've not quite managed to see Step Brothers yet.
Next, Phoebe Cates.
"Which one of you bitches is my mother?" Phoebe retired from acting after she married Kevin Kline to bring up her family. How yawnsome. At least they are still together.
I've saved the best for last. Corey Feldman!
I love this picture, it's so 80s. Corey is exactly my age which makes him extra special. In an alternative universe I was hanging out with Michael Jackson at Neverland and making Stand By Me.
I don't know how I've not talked about The Beach Boys yet. There is much to discuss on this topic however today I am just going to leave this here. Kokomo, one of the best summer songs ever and perfect for this scorching weather. I wish I was in Aruba, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahama...
Back in time we go to the early 80s when Sheena was a big star. Ahhhh, such innocent times. The Scottish lass who made it big on The Big Time. Whenever I think of Sheena, I think of my nan disapprovingly saying that she'd ruined herself with all that make-up and she looked much better with a natural pretty face! Grandmothers are on this earth to make such comments.
What to make of Sheena? Did you know she'd been married four times? That is was watching The Way We Were that made her want to be a singer? She was huge in America of course and the fact is, she could actually, properly sing.
This video is hilarious, she looks strangely contemporary in it with her turquoise jumpsuit.
Sheena did two songs for the About Last Night album (one of my favourite albums, obviously) and both are songs I still listen to. It formed a montage in the film and wouldn't you know, here it is. Bonus Rob Lowe in this post.
Natural Love. Another montage scene but I can't find it on YouTube. I could describe it scene by scene but I will spare you. Suffice to say, it's the song they move in together to. And a giant bear is involved. It's very bouncy - the song, not the bear.
You haven't really made it until you've done a Bond theme. It's not a total classic but it's still pretty good. Very slinky.
However, her highpoint for me will always be U Got The Look. Your body's heck a slammin'. Only Prince could write such a lyric. This is when she sexed up. Of course Prince doesn't allow his songs on YouTube so I can't show you a proper version of it but hey, we all know it right? It's a brilliant song.
I am a bit disappointed to see what she looks like now. Housewife of New Jersey springs to mind. Sheena, go and find your Prince again.
Circumstances and fate bring me to a Take That retrospective. I've shared my love of Take That with you but never really done a thorough analysis of the songs. Pull up a chair and let's get stuck in.
We start with the jelly naked classic, Do What You Like
I still love this song, it's really good fun and the video looked like it cost about 10p to make.
Song rating: 7/10
Video rating: 9/10
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 9/10
Promises
Song rating: 4/10. It's not a classic let's face it.
Video rating: 5/10. There's a whiff of desperation to this video. We get it, you can breakdance.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 7/10. None of them are at their best but Howard is better in this I think.
Once You've Tasted Love
Song rating: 7/10. I've always had a soft spot for this. And Robbie raps!
Video rating: 4/10. Totally boring.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 6/10. What is going on with that hair?
It Only Takes A Minute
I consider this the first proper Take That song. It's still worth listening to 20 years later.
Song rating: 8/10
Video rating: 9/10. Plenty of cute Robbie moments. Nice dancing. Good effort.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 6/10. This video is all about Robbie.
I Found Heaven.
I am traumatised that I can't find the official video for this on YouTube. This is one of their finest moments.
Song rating: 9/10. Perfect summery pop.
Video rating: 9/10. Due to my obsessive fandom I remember this video frame by frame and it includes Robbie rollerblading and Gary trampolining!
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 8/10. He looks good but they all look good (except Gary, obviously).
A Million Love Songs.
I am not linking to this. I loathe this song. I absolutely cannot stand to hear it.
Song rating: 1/10 (for the sax)
Video rating: 1/10 (for Robbie and Jason)
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: can't remember as I try to forget this happened.
Could It Be Magic
Ah here we are with the song that properly obsessed me. Of course, it is Barry Manilow so it makes sense.
Song rating: 8/10. I still love it.
Video rating: 9/10. Another one I remember frame by frame. Girl in red dress couldn't dance. At all. Girl from Jim'll Fix It won a part in the video. Those were the days.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 8/10. Howard is mighty fine in this too.
Why Can't I Wake Up With You
Song rating: 5/10. Tedious.
Video rating: 6/10. Boring really. Throwing stuff into cups. Mean and moody.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 8/10.
Pray
Song rating: 8/10 but this song has not aged well. Loved it at the time.
Video rating: 9/10. This is what a boy band video is all about. Tops off. Tattoos.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 9/10. Oh yes.
Relight My Fire
Song rating: 9/10. It's a disco classic so obviously it's a great song.
Video rating: 9/10. I still love this video, so much fun. Jason in a shower.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 10/10. Jason in a shower. Babe.
I can't discuss Babe. Can we pretend it never happened? Please?
Everything Changes.
Song rating: 7/10. I never had the love for this one. Slightly boring. Technically a good song.
Video rating: 7/10. Sepia doesn't do much for me.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 10/10. Jason in his prime.
Love Ain't Here Anymore
No it isn't. Go away. Terrible.
Sure
Song rating: 3/10. This for me is where it all started going wrong for 90s Take That. Overblown and a boring song. The split was inevitable.
Video rating: 2/10. Will it ever end?
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 7/10. Hair got too long Jase.
Back For Good
Song rating: 9/10. Oh Gary, everything is forgiven for this gem. I still love it.
Video rating: 9/10. Black and white and great moves from Howard and Jason.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 9/10. Oh yes.
Never Forget
Song rating: 10/10. You've not lived until you clapped along to this live. Robbie rejoining the boys to sing his line was a highlight of 2011 for me. What?
Video rating: 8/10. Standard childhood shots which are nice enough, but the hair boys, the hair.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 6/10. I repeat, the hair.
How Deep Is Your Love.
No. You don't cover The Bee Gees. This was the end for me. Or so I thought.
Patience
Song rating: 8/10. It's a solid song but it doesn't move me. It is very good live.
Video rating: 8/10. Gritty. They are back.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 6/10. We still have hair issues.
Shine
Song rating: 9/10. I know Marky can't sing but I love this. LOVE IT.
Video rating: 9/10. Pure showbusiness.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 6/10. We still have hair issues.
Rule The World
Song rating: 10/10. I will never tire of this.
Video rating: 9/10. It helps by having much footage from Stardust, which is a great film. They all look hot in this.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 10/10. He's had a haircut at last. Good boy.
Greatest Day
Song rating: 9/10. Perfection. Gary on top form.
Video rating: 9/10. Sunset glory.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 10/10. It's all good.
Up All Night. No, we're not talking about this.
The Garden. Or this.
Said It All
Song rating: 10/10. This is one of my favourite Take That songs.
Video rating: 9/10. A nice video, clever and poignant.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 9/10. He's in clown paint and still looks good.
The Flood
Song rating: 7/10. It's ok but it doesn't move me.
Video rating: 8/10. A technically good video.
Jason hotness rating in comparison to the others: 9/10. Still on form.
I am stopping there as I am not a fan of the Progress album. I applaud them for taking a new direction but I like my power ballads from Take That. Or poppy pop.
