Xanadu

Yet again I am astounded that I've not yet covered the masterpiece that is Xanadu. This post is simply about the song, not the film because I've never seen the film. Yes, it's true and I can't quite believe it either. The song is magnificent however. One of the greatest introductions to any pop song, delivered with perfection by our Livvie (as I like to call her).

I implore you to watch this video, I am transfixed by it:

You don't have to thank me.

It also reminds me of another favourite scene in Friends. I can only find it with Portuguese subtitles but watch it here. It cracks me up every time.

Lionel Richie

It's time to examine the career of Lionel Richie. He may not be cool but I think we all know by now, I don't care about cool.

Lionel first came into my consciousness with All Night Long (All Night), a song I've already celebrated. Before that, I don't think I'd heard of him. I must have known some Commodores songs but the mighty Can't Slow Down introduced me properly to him. Let's wind back the clock shall we?

One of my favourite songs by The Commodores starts us off. In fact one of my favourite songs ever. Come on, we all love this. I especially love Lionel's outfit here:

What I love about Lionel is how effortless he is. Three Times A Lady is a song that makes me cringe but he sings it sublimely.

Ahhhh, Endless Love. A song of such immense cheesiness, how can one listen to it without crackers? This is truly a guilty pleasure.

Truly. I always forget about Truly. It's sort of a cross between Three Times A Lady and Endless Love and there's nothing wrong with that. You can watch it here.

I've covered All Night Long but man I adore this song. This is probably my desert island Lionel song. There is nothing I don't love about it and I argue that it's timeless, it could be released today and would still be a hit.

I had totally forgotten Running With The Night. How could I? Quite easily actually. This is a little weak and very dated. Smooth as silk Lionel. Hilarious video though.

Hello, is it me you're looking for? I admit I bought this single. Listen, everyone bought this single back in the day. It was mega! This is probably what Lionel will be most remembered for and clearly he's done much better songs but well, I am going to fess up and say I still like this. It's so cheesy and the video, what can we even say about the video? It's a landmark of 80s nonsense.

Can't Slow Down just had so many hits! I have a soft spot for Stuck On You, it's such a cute song.

Penny Lover. Another video with a talkie introduction; those 80s artists couldn't resist could they? Listening to all these in a row, it's undeniable that Lionel had a sound. Some might call him repetitive but  not me. This is a song to drink a glass of white wine to and kick back baby. Watch it here.

Say You Say Me. Say it for always, that's the way it should be! Lionel is the King of Ballad. Before he played that crazy boyfriend of Carrie's in Sex and the City and before that other dude tried to teach Joey to dance in Friends, they starred in White Nights. Really, don't bother watching it but Lionel wrote the song for it. Marvellous.

Dancing on the Ceiling. Oh my GOD, I love this song. This is my second favourite Lionel song, the video is fantastic and I defy anyone to not dance to this. What a feeling!

I am going to stop there because it's best not to discuss Ballerina Girl or what followed. Lionel is someone who hit his peak in the 80s and in my mind will be forever associated with that decade. He may never be cool, he may not be handsome but here is a man who found what he was good at and could sure write a hit. Respect Lionel. Respect.

Favourite scenes from Friends - Rachel , Monica and Phoebe attend a tap class

Last week I was in New York staying with my friend and we decided to go to a modern jazz dance class at her gym on Sunday morning. I do zumba so I figured, how hard can it be? As it turns out, it was really hard. I realised our error as it slowly dawned on me that everyone else in the class were actually dancers. The instructor was surely straight out of Broadway and the whole class felt like a bad scene from A Chorus Line. We had a hoot though, the fact we couldn't follow the steps at all did not detract from our enthusiasm. I hopped around like a baby elephant doing jazz hands and generally enjoying myself.

It called to mind the fabulous episode of Friends (season 1) where Monica has her identity stolen and attends a dance class to try and find out who took it. All three of them are told 'you dance a dance class'. Quite right too! I love it and it still makes me giggle. Watch it here.

Jennifer Aniston exciting update!

A 12 hour flight to LA and not one but two Aniston films were playing! Horrible Bosses and Just Go With It. I plumped for the latter as it's a classic romcom and it has Adam Sandler in it. Can't go wrong.

You're going to say I am crazy but it was really rather entertaining. Jennifer was actually allowed to be funny in it and she can be very funny indeed. It also has Nicole Kidman in it playing a total bitch and I truly believe Nicole is good at playing bitches because she is one. Most of it is set in pretty beach scenery and the kids in it are also rather amusing. Now, I am not suggesting you rush to rent this but it's worth a look if it comes your way on a plane.

Teenager rating: 7/10.

Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert

This is, quite simply, one of the best films ever made. The spectacular scenery, the soundtrack, the marvellously witty script, the wonderful Terence Stamp in drag and Guy Pearce's muscles. I can't think of a single moment where the film drags, it's perfection.

All three leads in this are fantastically good, playing against type so convincingly. The revelation for me when I watched it was Guy Pearce, he's awesomely good; bitchy and flamboyant. Little Mike from Neighbours, who'd have thought? However, my mother's generation couldn't believe Terence Stamp who was so very male in the 60s and here he is a transsexual! It's all a bit much to take in. Hugo is fab too but then Hugo is always great.

From the opening scene of Charlene's I've Never Been To Me to Hugo saying at the end "it's good to be home!" Awwwwww. I just adore it. In fact, I need to watch it again. I have so many favourite scenes. I adore them dancing with Aborigines, I love the Alice Springs routine but I think my all-time fave is the scene on the bus to Mamma Mia right at the end. It's so joyful.

Jennifer Aniston romcoms

Jennifer has been around for some time now and there are a lot of films to wade through. In fact I just looked her up on Wikipedia and am a little overwhelmed by the task at hand. Yes, I've seen most of them, what of it?

She's The One.

Remember when Ed Burns was the hot thing in Hollywood? Yeah, I'd forgotten too. I've seen this and can honestly say I remember nothing about it. It has Cameron Diaz in it too yet I couldn't tell you a single thing about it. I remember it was reasonably well received at the time. Her film career started off promisingly didn't it? Hmmmm. I can't rate this as I really don't remember it well enough.

Picture Perfect.

This is remembered chiefly for Kevin Bacon's awful hair. This should have been quite good, it has Olympia Dukakis as her mum and we all love Olympia. Kevin Bacon is always good value but Jay Mohr (yes, I had to look him up too) as the man she falls in love with? Ummm, no, don't buy it.  Teenager rating - 6/10.

The Object of My Affection.

Paul Rudd! He always adds a point just by showing up. Alison Janney! Another point right there. This was a classy film but it was, well, a bit dull. Again, not seen it for yonks, I'd have to watch it again to rate it. But Paul Rudd!

Office Space

Not strictly a romcom but too good a film to ignore. I love this film, it's hilarious. If you've not seen it, you really must give it a whirl. Anyone who has worked in an office will relate to it. Teenager rating - 8/10.

The Good Girl

Again not a romcom but it would be mean to leave out one of her best films. Where did it all go wrong Jen? This is a great little film with a really good cast. This stands up against any decent film. Teenager rating - 8/10.

Bruce Almighty

We're on the slippery slope now. While this isn't bad as such (and not compared to Heigl's output), it's really not very good either and Jen has little to do. I have a soft spot for Jim Carrey films and this has some amusing moments so... Teenager rating - 7/10.

I can't even discuss Along Came Polly.  So Rumor Has It.

You can really see why she made this. Stellar cast. Not a bad plot and it should have been quite good but oh dear, it's not, it's just icky. This film made me feel just a bit odd and not warm and fuzzy at all. Teenager rating - 5/10.

Friends With Money

I know Jen, let's make a film with other females and show you're really a woman's woman. Nice idea but you're going to need a better script. Teenager rating - 4/10.

The Break Up.

What happened to Vince Vaughn? This is much better and actually quite a sweet, sad little movie and I applaud the fact they don't reunite them at the end. Extra point for  Jon Favreau. Teenager rating - 8/10.

Marley & Me

I really enjoyed this. I really like Owen Wilson and he is perfect in this and you really believe in them as a couple. Plus it as a doggie in it. Awwwwww. Teenager rating - 8/10.

He's Just Not That Into You.

I want to tell you I hated this. I should have hated this. But I didn't. I've even, ummm, seen this twice. Oh god, it's all coming out now. First was on a trusty plane and second time was the other week on the telly. I like Justin Long, I like Bradley Cooper. DREW! This is a guilty pleasure fun film to watch. There, I said it. Teenager rating - 9/10.

The Bounty Hunter

Let's show off my kick-ass body and invent a love affair with my leading man. Whatever Jen, it's still rubbish. Teenager rating - 5/10.

That brings me up to date with my Jen films. She's made some more since but I've not seen them yet since I've not been on a plane for a while. Next week should rectify that with a 12 hour flight to LA. To prove my theory that there is always a Jennifer Aniston film playing on a plane, I've just looked it up and sure enough, Horrible Bosses is playing. I already know my first choice then.

Katherine Heigl romcoms I've sat through

I love a romcom. I know, you're all shocked to your core and had me down as a horror fan, right? Well, sorry to disappoint you. My capacity to watch truly terrible romcoms is limitless.

In my defence, I do fly quite a bit. I'm not on a plane every week but I go through phases with my job and earlier this year I was flying every month. I'd love to say that I get on business class long-haul flights and make like a CEO, spreading papers around, tapping away on a laptop looking desperately important. But I'd be lying. No, I check out the inflight entertainment and work out how many fluffy romcoms I can squeeze in while sipping the champagne and think to myself that life is sweet. Just so you know, this is what everyone does. I've yet to witness anyone on a business class flight actually do any work. Then I get to my destination and there are so many opportunities to watch crap romcoms: in the hotel (always a given in the US that a romcom will be showing, I saw A Fish Called Wanda last time - not seen that for years, it was still funny) and there are evenings to fill and what is a girl to do? Go to the movies of course and that's how I saw Life As We Know It.

That's my excuse but really I don't need one. I love a romcom and will watch almost any of them, however bad, just so I can measure it against other romcoms. I didn't know this skill would be useful until now but here we are, my moment has come. It's time to talk about crap romcoms. The reigning queen of the romcom is Katherine Heigl and yes, I've seen most of her oeuvre so we'll start with her. I like Katherine because I am shallow enough to like pretty people and I think she is very, very pretty. There are not many movie stars I feel this way about, I consider most of them overrated in the looks department but I think Katherine is gorgeous and I like watching gorgeousness. Sue me.

First up is the aforementioned Life As We Know It.

The shame is that I paid to watch this. Premise is that our two heroes have a blind date set up by their respective best friends (who are a couple),  it's a dreadful date and they hate each other. Cue a montage of them hating each other over about five years or so but being thrown together by said friends. Then, omg, friends DIE and they are left holding their baby. They move into the friends' house together and high jinks ensue as they work out how to look after a baby and of course, fall in luuuurve.  A part of my soul died typing that. A romcom where two people die? We're not in Nora Ephron territory anymore. It's terrible, the still above gives you an idea of how bad it is. Added beauty is provided by Christina Hendricks (who plays the wife who dies so we don't get much of her). The guy in this is fairly hopeless. Teenager grade = 5/10.

27 Dresses is next.

This is better. It has a better cast, the guy in this (James Marsden) is also in The Notebook and he is conventionally handsome and a good romcom lead. He is great in this, quite sexy and nonchalant. The set up here is better than Life As We Know It. Girl is always the bridesmaid (the 27 dresses) and never the bride as she's hopelessly in love with her boss. Her horrible sister (played by one of the worst actresses ever let loose on screen, I can't be bothered to look her name up, she's awful) falls in love with the boss and manipulates him and yadda yadda. The best bit about this (as I said in my Elton John post) is the scene where our heroine gets drunk and sings Bennie and the Jets. I saw this on a plane and therefore may be remembering it better than it really is. Teenager grade: 6/10.

My final Katherine film (cos even I couldn't face The Ugly Truth) is Knocked Up.

This is genuinely a funny film. I saw it a while ago (yes, on a plane) and laughed quite a bit. It's probably not fair to call it a romcom as it's aimed much more at a male audience than your traditional romcom. I can't remember much about it except I'd watch it again. Surely a good sign? Teenager grade: 8/10.

A note on grading: I grade comparatively. If Some Like It Hot is 10/10 (which it obviously is as any fool knows) then that doesn't mean Knocked Up is only 2 points less good. It's not even in the same ball park and would get a 1 if we compared both films side by side but that way madness lies. So the grading is for crap romcoms, not good romcoms. This is a particular genre. All clear? Excellent.

Next up will be Jennifer Aniston. I do this so you don't have to.

Elton John

Like any sane human being, I cringe when I see Elton John these days. He's such a twerp with his hair implants, adopting a kid at 60 something (sorry but I think it's irresponsible) and his terrible dress sense.

But wind back the years and it's a different story altogether because Sir Elton gave us some gems back in the day. So let's take a stroll down memory lane together.

I have little time for Your Song but I do love Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. This is such a beautiful song and check out his glasses!

My favourite Elton song is Tiny Dancer, surely everyone loves this song? It's wonderful.

The 70s really were his decade. The hits just keep on coming. I adore Rocket Man.

I have a soft spot for Bennie and the Jets. This is a great song and I defend it to anyone. The best scene in 27 Dresses (yes, I watched it, ok?) was when they sang along to this.

Now then, after all that wondrousness, we hit a period of Elton I don't like. I can't stand Pinball Wizard. I loathe Don't Go Breaking My Heart and Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word was ruined by Blue forever. However, I do like Are You Ready For Love.

Into the 80s. It's a mixed bag, I'm not going to lie. One of my favourite songs ever is I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues. I love singing along to it.

And I'm Still Standing just sums up the 80s to me, I can't help but like this.

Nikita and Sacrifice? Urgh - awful. What was he thinking? Into the 90s and I cannot stand The Lion King songs either, mind you, I hate that film too. It's so sappy.

I had all but given up hope but then he released There's Something About The Way You Look Tonight and it's an average song I know but I like it. 

To one of the best videos ever made. This Train Don't Stop There Anymore. This is a fab song and Justin Timberlake is so good in it. I think this is Elton's most under-rated song.

In the same vein, I Want Love is also a fantastic video. Oh Robert Downey Jr, how you break my heart.

Not a bad hit rate really. It's easy to scoff at Elton however he is a genius songwriter and he has a very versatile voice, I think he has one of the best natural talents we're ever seen. I still can't forgive him for Candle In The Wind though. 

Starmaker - The Kids From Fame

It's been a long and emotional week. At the end of such a week, what better way to soothe the soul than with some of those pesky Kids From Fame? I've discussed the kids before so no need to revisit here.  However,  nothing makes me laugh as much as this video, it's so earnest. The way Lydia belts out her lines, the way they all stare at the teacher, they way they raise their hands together at the end. Oh but it's fantastic.

Now I am currently obsessed with listening to the Desert Island Disc archive (as I've mentioned previously) and one morning recently I was on the way to work and listening to Matt Lucas, somebody who has never registered with me since I am not a fan of British comedy and think Little Britain is the worst show ever made. Anyway, Kirsty asked him for his next record and he said "well, this is a bit embarrassing but I just love this song so much and I sung along when I was a kid and I loved this." They started playing Starmaker and I burst out laughing because this song really would be on my desert island and I am not even embarrassed about it. Take that Matt Lucas - have the courage of your convictions and don't be ashamed of your Kids from Fame love.

Starmaker is a lovely song to sing along to and I defy anyone to disagree. Has Glee done a Fame tribute yet? Like those upstarts could come close to Doris and Coco. Pffft.

All together... "soul taaaakkkkkkerrrr, we're happy now!"

Put on your dancing shoes

It's time to dance my friends. It may be Monday but it's always disco fever chez Teenager and what better way to blow away Monday blues by having a boogie in a shimmery dress with a glitter ball spinning above our heads?

How I adore and love a bit of disco music and tonight I am going to spin some of the all-time classics. First up is one of the best songs ever committed to vinyl. Any song that mentions Gucci has my vote. I love this because it captures everything that's great about saturday night dancing and it has some very clever lyrics. Sister Sledge - He's The Greatest Dancer.

Onwards with the finest introduction to a song, when this comes on, I defy anyone to sit still, it demands a shoulder shrug and a boogie. Rose Royce - Car Wash.

Now a song to go to the bar to and float around feeling wonderful like you live in Manhattan in 1973. Odyssey - Native New Yorker

Oh Jacko, you will never beat this masterpiece. One of the best videos ever. Be one of the 45 million to watch this thanks to YouTube. Legend. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

No list is complete without the mighty Chic. The dilemma of what song to pick but it has to be this one. Chic - Dance, Dance, Dance.

I love this next one so much, if I was on the decks (just so you know, I've never been on the decks!) then I would just play two minutes and mix it in to the next track as it is repetitive but it has such groove and you have to watch this for some spectacular disco dancing. One of the most sampled track ever - you can hear Wham and Black Eye Peas in the space of 10 seconds. Fantastic. Sugarhill Gang - Rapper's Delight

A little more recent (well, if you call 90s recent, and I do) with the mighty Ce Ce. I still adore this song. Ce Ce Peniston - Finally

We reach that time of the evening, you're all a bit weary and it's time to sashay to Donna. I still adore this. Donna Summer - Love To Love You Baby

You have to check out this video - it's totally brilliant and this is one of the cleverest songs of the disco era. Labelle - Lady Marmalade 

We round off the night with every gay's favourite. Gay or straight, nobody can resist bellowing along to this. Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive.

Honorary mentions to those that won't let me embed: The Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive (we bow to them), Dee Lite - Groove is in the Heart (really we can't embed? We can embed Michael Jackson for goodness sake), Abba - Dancing Queen (I love it but it's actually hard to dance to).

What have I missed. You tell me (once you've stopped boogying and grooving that is).